It is unbelievable to me that I am one of these people how have lost their loved one. I guess I am still in the denial phase of death, I don't know. Thank you for being concerned about me and my family. Thanks you for sending your love and prayers, I need them. I am not going to lie, most days I wake up crying. I talk to my Mom everyday. I lay in pool and look for her face in the clouds. Every night I pray to her to tell me that she is o.k.. I will be honest that I have gotten lost in the mundane details of life in order to keep going. I lean on my children every day to even get myself out of bed. And, I have entered the world of booze and pills in order to sleep.
I know as time goes on it will be easier to live with out my Mom. I know that she did not deserve to live the life she lived in her last two weeks. I know that I never felt like taking care of her was a burden. I know that even on her death bed she was comforting me as I cried on her cheek. I know that when she past through Heavens Gates her best friend Karen was waiting for her and that God was shaking his head and asking himself what the hell he was thinking bringing those two sassy red heads together.
Thank you for asking if there is anything you can do. It means more then you will ever know. Some day I hope I will be able to repay those who have done so much for me and my family in these last few weeks. I have and always have truly loved my friends but, today I love them so much more for helping me get through this time in my life. Even just those quick messages were beautiful, thank you.
I know now that life is too short to waste.
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7 comments:
She is definitely looking down on you and so proud of the person you are and the amazing mother you are to your two angels!
I've been thinking about you... thanks for posting an update. I'm so sorry you have to go through this at such a young age. I'm glad you have your sweet kiddos and hubby to help push you along. I know you and your mom were close and discovering your "new" normal will be tough. You are strong though... one tough cookie and I know you'll become even more amazing than you already are. Love, prayers and hugs.
I am so sorry Erica.I know this has got to be so tough for you. I actually just called you to see how you were holding up...then I got on the computer to check my email and other things and read your post. Colette is right discovering your "new normal" is going to be hard. It won't happen over night or within a week...it's going to take some up and downs and most of all time. Hang in there ok. You are so loved. ♥
You are so right about Karen and Sheri together! They'll keep everyone on their toes up there. Please let us know if we can do anything more to help. Sometimes we need you to need us! We love you and we loved your mom!
Erica, for what it's worth...
My father-in-law died from a car crash about six years ago. It was a very hard time, and despite our strong faith in God, his death caused my wife and me (more especially her) great pain that lasted for a long time. I have learned a few things from that experience.
First, I will never again trivialize someone else's pain by brushing it aside with hollow words of comfort and "easy answers." I think it is important to acknowledge that death is terrible, especially when it cuts short--too short--the life of someone we love dearly. We have been there and we mourn with you.
I also now know that the intense pain that gnaws away at you can eventually give way to acceptance and peace. It will likely take a long time before you arrive there, but please never stop believing that peace is waiting for you--eventually.
Keeping an open communication line with Heavenly Father helps immensely. Doing the things that bring us close to Him such as personal prayer and scripture study, attending church, and serving others (especially our own children and spouse) helps open our hearts to the influence of the Comforter, or Holy Ghost, who can bring the peace we desire.
And lastly, I know that death really is not the end. I know that your mom, even now, is aware of you, that her spirit is very much alive, and that you will see her again someday. Death is merely the doorway to the next *temporary* phase of our existence. The literal resurrection, where all who have died will be made alive and whole again, is a reality that will come to all who have lived on this earth, through the grace of Jesus Christ. You will see your mom again, and the bonds of love and friendship that you nurtured here on earth will be intact in that day, if you choose to keep them bright.
Our family is praying for you and Sean and the rest of your family every day, hoping you find strength in the Lord to see you through this hard time. May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ abide with you.
By the way, I'm your cousin Matt in Utah. Sorry if I didn't clarify that.
Just thinking about you tonight...
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